Out of sheer boredom, I found myself doing some random Google searches on prominent people. As one does, I came across Bill Gate's Wikipedia page. It read: "Bill Gates is an American Business Magnate, investor, author, philanthropist, humanitarian, and principal founder of Microsoft Corporation."
Upon seeing this, I thought to myself: gee, if only I could have that kind of description on my Wikipedia page when I'm older.
But then I realized something, this wasn't something I wanted, it was what my ego wanted.
The ego (not the psychoanalytical kind), classified by Google as: "a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance," is arguably one of the most critical aspects of the human condition. The ego is a multifaceted emotional trait, it can at times be a tremendous motivator, but conversely, it can have a negative impact on social relationships and mental well-being.
The ego provides a necessary drive in our lives - it is, for the most part, what gets us out of bed. If we had no self-esteem, I reckon we'd be very hard pressed to leave the house and enter the big wide world. It's perfectly natural to be overly concerned with ourselves, because after all, the world, or more accurately, our perception of the world, is that it revolves around us; a person's experience is shaped through their eyes, so narcissism comes more naturally to us than empathy does.
But the ego certainly has its drawbacks, because as we all know, we love comparing ourselves. If you're active on any social media platform, you'll be well aware of this. As a photographer, it is a common occurrence that upon being smitten by my own photography, I would immediately be humbled after taking a trip through the Instagrams of various other photographers (who I shall not name!).
Technology hasn't helped, the social media platforms Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. Have cultivated a culture of narcissism and self-absorption of the likes "which has never been seen on this earth," to quote Harry Truman. This makes it all the more challenging to avoid the detrimental effects of the ego.
But in spite of the selfies, 'stories', and unnecessary life updates - we also feed our egos indirectly. I always recommend movies to people, and I recall many times where they would get back to me and tell me how good the film was, and this would give me a sense of accomplishment. I had nothing to do with the film, but because I had recommended it, I felt responsible for it somehow.
But the ego can be good, because it makes us competitive. The former chess world champion Bobby Fischer has been quoted as saying that he likes "the moment when I break a man's ego." As a chess player myself, it's a great feeling when your opponent realizes their situation and you begin to see the slight shake of the head, the barely noticeable sigh, and finally, the handshake. It is an unfortunate truth, but we like to see others fail, or more accurately, the destruction of other people's egos, because it provides a positive reference point for our own.
But to succeed in chess (or anything for that matter), one has to be wary of the ego. I remember competing in the 2017 Thailand Junior Chess Championship - I was completely winning against my closest rival, and I had the tournament in my hands, but then thoughts of winning the championship and being the THAILAND JUNIOR CHESS CHAMPION! Started to enter my head and surprise surprise, I made a move which lost the game immediately.
That moment damaged any sense of self-esteem I had regarding chess and my mental resolve - but it made me stronger, and in all subsequent chess games I simply focused on playing the best moves, and not envisioning future scenarios which would serve only to appeal to my ego. The result? Finishing tied for 3rd place out of 30 players at the Asian Indoor Games Qualification.
Why did I play better? Because I was no longer fueled by titles and ratings, but by my intrinsic love for the game.
I'll sum it up with a story from a summer in Norway. It was a cold, overcast day in the sleepy arctic town of Tromsø. My family and I were there to witness the 2014 Chess Olympiad, which proved to be underwhelming in comparison to the ethereal Fjords and scenic train rides - but that's another story.
I was playing a casual game of chess with a young twenty-something local in the lobby of the hotel where we were staying.
His friend or him (I can't recall) asked me how strong I was in chess, I remember grimacing and telling him that I was decent, but not that strong compared to other people. He smiled and told me something which has stuck with me since that day: "Don't compare yourself to others, but to the person you were yesterday."
Ever since then, that statement pops into my head like a kettle drum whenever I catch myself drifting into vain thoughts of self-admiration, or drawing illogical comparisons which can only serve to dishearten me. But comparing ourselves to others is a part of being human - because the ego makes us competitive, it makes us strive for greater achievement, but it also harms relationships and nurtures a mindset of perpetual dissatisfaction.
So what can we do? We can internalize the ego, we can control and harness the power that it provides in the form of confidence and perseverance, but be wary when it starts to distort the perceptions we have of ourselves and encroach on the judgments and choices we make.
Embrace the ego, but also, beware the ego.
Upon seeing this, I thought to myself: gee, if only I could have that kind of description on my Wikipedia page when I'm older.
But then I realized something, this wasn't something I wanted, it was what my ego wanted.
The ego (not the psychoanalytical kind), classified by Google as: "a person's sense of self-esteem or self-importance," is arguably one of the most critical aspects of the human condition. The ego is a multifaceted emotional trait, it can at times be a tremendous motivator, but conversely, it can have a negative impact on social relationships and mental well-being.
The ego provides a necessary drive in our lives - it is, for the most part, what gets us out of bed. If we had no self-esteem, I reckon we'd be very hard pressed to leave the house and enter the big wide world. It's perfectly natural to be overly concerned with ourselves, because after all, the world, or more accurately, our perception of the world, is that it revolves around us; a person's experience is shaped through their eyes, so narcissism comes more naturally to us than empathy does.
But the ego certainly has its drawbacks, because as we all know, we love comparing ourselves. If you're active on any social media platform, you'll be well aware of this. As a photographer, it is a common occurrence that upon being smitten by my own photography, I would immediately be humbled after taking a trip through the Instagrams of various other photographers (who I shall not name!).
Technology hasn't helped, the social media platforms Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. Have cultivated a culture of narcissism and self-absorption of the likes "which has never been seen on this earth," to quote Harry Truman. This makes it all the more challenging to avoid the detrimental effects of the ego.
But in spite of the selfies, 'stories', and unnecessary life updates - we also feed our egos indirectly. I always recommend movies to people, and I recall many times where they would get back to me and tell me how good the film was, and this would give me a sense of accomplishment. I had nothing to do with the film, but because I had recommended it, I felt responsible for it somehow.
But the ego can be good, because it makes us competitive. The former chess world champion Bobby Fischer has been quoted as saying that he likes "the moment when I break a man's ego." As a chess player myself, it's a great feeling when your opponent realizes their situation and you begin to see the slight shake of the head, the barely noticeable sigh, and finally, the handshake. It is an unfortunate truth, but we like to see others fail, or more accurately, the destruction of other people's egos, because it provides a positive reference point for our own.
But to succeed in chess (or anything for that matter), one has to be wary of the ego. I remember competing in the 2017 Thailand Junior Chess Championship - I was completely winning against my closest rival, and I had the tournament in my hands, but then thoughts of winning the championship and being the THAILAND JUNIOR CHESS CHAMPION! Started to enter my head and surprise surprise, I made a move which lost the game immediately.
That moment damaged any sense of self-esteem I had regarding chess and my mental resolve - but it made me stronger, and in all subsequent chess games I simply focused on playing the best moves, and not envisioning future scenarios which would serve only to appeal to my ego. The result? Finishing tied for 3rd place out of 30 players at the Asian Indoor Games Qualification.
Why did I play better? Because I was no longer fueled by titles and ratings, but by my intrinsic love for the game.
I'll sum it up with a story from a summer in Norway. It was a cold, overcast day in the sleepy arctic town of Tromsø. My family and I were there to witness the 2014 Chess Olympiad, which proved to be underwhelming in comparison to the ethereal Fjords and scenic train rides - but that's another story.
I was playing a casual game of chess with a young twenty-something local in the lobby of the hotel where we were staying.
His friend or him (I can't recall) asked me how strong I was in chess, I remember grimacing and telling him that I was decent, but not that strong compared to other people. He smiled and told me something which has stuck with me since that day: "Don't compare yourself to others, but to the person you were yesterday."
Ever since then, that statement pops into my head like a kettle drum whenever I catch myself drifting into vain thoughts of self-admiration, or drawing illogical comparisons which can only serve to dishearten me. But comparing ourselves to others is a part of being human - because the ego makes us competitive, it makes us strive for greater achievement, but it also harms relationships and nurtures a mindset of perpetual dissatisfaction.
So what can we do? We can internalize the ego, we can control and harness the power that it provides in the form of confidence and perseverance, but be wary when it starts to distort the perceptions we have of ourselves and encroach on the judgments and choices we make.
Embrace the ego, but also, beware the ego.
